Desperado
by Sevenstars
Summary: What Jess (and Slim) were thinking during parts of the episode "License to Kill."


**Desperado**

_by Sevenstars_

SUMMARY: Some reflections of Jess's (and Slim's) during the episode "License to Kill." Beta'd by Katy.

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Why don't he help me out of this?

Slim ain't stupid, and he ain't no greenhorn. He's been around long enough to know that there's places law takes second place to power—like Willow; why didn't he believe me when I tried to tell him it's one of 'em? He knows me better'n to think I'd try to lie my way out of a charge, even murder. And he's got to know what Jarrad is—just a bounty hunter that got a badge pinned onto his shirt. Bet you anythin' that was Wilkie's son's doin'.

Come to that, I'm lucky Slim caught up to us when he did. Lucky and I know it. Still can't quite believe Jarrad didn't shoot me in the back as soon as we was out of earshot of Ben at the ranch.

Why didn't he? What's his angle? He must'a' been figurin' on it, at the beginnin', or he'd'a' fetched food and water for two. And he tried to get me to go for the rifle, so's he'd have an excuse.

'Course it's a fair piece of travel to Willow, and no man with sense would want to haul a dead body all that way in this weather. Most cases, a hunter can just take his victim in to the nearest lawman and claim the reward, maybe have his picture took first to prove he's dead, in case the folks issuin' it want proof apart from a lawman's word—there's some that'll take a cut of the payment to file a false claim. Not this time. No. Wilkie's son's gonna want to see me die.

Reckon that explains it. And Jarrad can be patient when he has to—same's any man in his line: bounty hunter's in it for the long haul, lots of times.

Still don't mean he wouldn't put lead in me somewheres to slow me down. Or give me a good hidin'. He could, too—got me outweighed by forty-fifty pound, I reckon.

Maybe that's why Slim come along.

How'd he get that tin on his vest, anyhow? Reckon Mort Corey must'a' sworn him in as a special deputy. Huh. Wouldn't'a' figured on that in a month 'a' Sundays. Ain't that I don't respect Mort—even like him some; though he's even more straight-arrow than Slim is. But why'd he bother?

Maybe that's why. 'Cause them two is just a pair of peas in a pod. Mort's been a lawman a long spell, he'd know Jarrad's rep; reckon he'd figure a man like that wearin' a badge is what gives all law a bad name, most of all with fellers like me...

Only why'd _he _care what I think?

This is all just makin' me dizzy... don't none of it make no sense to me.

If I could just get away.

If Slim would just help...

**SR**

Startin' to look like it's all up to me.

Slim ain't helpin' none whatever... no, I take that back. Just bein' here he's keepin' me from bein' worse used. Jarrad's been in this line a long time, knows when a man ain't to be messed with. Knows if he makes the wrong kind of move on me, Slim won't hesitate to kill him.

Shoot, I almost wish he'd try. We could finish him quick, bury him somewheres he won't be found for years, turn his horse loose, and then...

And then what?

Mort knows what Slim went to do. Likely knows all about the paper on me. We turn up back at the ranch, both of us, he's gonna ask a lotta questions. And Slim don't lie real good. Me neither, come to it, though if it's a question of keepin' my neck out of a noose I reckon I could make a fair try of it.

No... no, I wouldn't do that to Slim. I couldn't. He's been... he's treated me plumb straight, all down the line. I can't set him up to face Mort's questions... and I can't ask him to go on the run with me. Not with the ranch, and the stage contract, and Andy in school... I can't make him give all that up, just for my sake.

Can't _let _him. Even if he offers.

No.

No, this'll be the end of it. Everythin' I hoped I could have, it's finished. I'll have to hit for Canada, I reckon.

Won't ever see Andy again, or Jonesy.

Or Slim.

Just thinkin' of it, it's like a knife twistin' in my gut. But I got to, Slim, don't you see that? I know how you care for law and justice and all that, but not everybody else does by a long shot, and I can't let myself hang for somethin' I didn't do. Rather die quick from Jarrad's lead, even if it's in my back.

Jarrad must be gettin' old, losin' his touch, if he thinks a little old sapling like this here can hold Jess Harper if he don't want to be held. Them roots ain't in too deep, from the look of 'em. If I can just dig out the dirt around 'em... could maybe use my spurs to help, if I can unbuckle 'em... come to think, maybe Slim really was settin' up an escape for me when he suggested cuffin' me to it.

Aw, Slim. Why couldn't you have helped more? You're smart, way smarter'n me—we could'a' come up with somethin', I know we could.

I'm awful sorry, Slim. You'll never know how much. But I got to do this, don't you see it?

You say goodbye to Andy and Jonesy for me.

And... and keep well, pard.

**SR**

Dizzy... can't hold on much longer...

Come on, Harper. Ain't you the one that didn't even have a saddle to his name till he was twelve? This here horse ain't a patch on some you've rode...

Got to get clear... can't give Jarrad no excuse to think Slim was in on it...

Come to that, it's as well Slim didn't take no hand. If he hadn't been able to kill Jarrad right off, first shot—

No, no, I can't take on Slim's life too. Better this way.

Hang on, Harper, you dang fool! You can't give up now!

You don't dare give up.

Think of what's waitin' for you if young Wilkie gets hold of you...

Losin' my grip... no...

Aw, Slim, I'm sorry...

**SR**

Doggone it, Jess! Of all the hardheaded, hotblooded, fool things to do—

Don't you know you could've been killed?

Do you think I came all this way just to see you die before my eyes? Let Mort pin this badge on me—for that?

I figured you trusted me. Don't you understand the real reason I came? Not to help you escape—what good would that do you, to make you a fugitive the rest of your life? Not just to keep Jarrad from beatin' you up or worse. I came so I could be there when he gets you to Willow. So I can try to find some kind of proof you're innocent.

I know what you wanted of me. I could see it in your eyes the minute I rode into Jarrad's camp. But you know I couldn't do it—don't you?

That doesn't mean I didn't plan to help you. I did. I do. I swear to you on my life—on Andy's life; how could I ever explain to him that I'd let them hang you?

I know you've probably done a lot of things you haven't told me about. But somehow... somehow, Jess, I _know_ you. Know you better than I know anybody else alive in this world, except for Andy and Jonesy. And I know you're no murderer. You've killed, sure. I've seen you do it. But you don't take pleasure in it the way some do. And always, always you give the other man a fair chance. Or at least you wait till he's shown what he is, like a bank robber or something.

You wouldn't have killed this man Wilkie, not the way Jarrad says you did. I can't believe that. I _won't _believe that.

And somehow I'll prove it in time to keep you out of a noose.

If I could only talk to you without Jarrad hangin' around, I could make you see that. But how do I know he wasn't in on it somehow? I know his reputation. He stops at nothing. I don't dare put him any more on his guard than he already is.

Please, Jess, please, just trust me.

We'll get through this.

Somehow.

You and me.

Let me help you sit up—here, I've got some water for you—

Good Lord, Jess, you look done up. And that look in your eyes... like nothing I've ever seen there, not even when you had that fever and we all thought we were gonna lose you. Like you've given up all hope.

Don't you give up on me, Jess.

Don't give up on yourself.

We'll get to Willow—even if I have to drag you there by the scruff of your neck!—and we'll clear your name. And then...

Then you can come home.

Steady, now. Easy. Don't gulp it.

Hang on, Jess.

-30-


End file.
